Why are children so annoying? I must ask myself this at least a few times a day. I’m not the only one am I? These perfectly wonderful creatures that I created are amazing, and I love them to bits, but they are talented enough to come up with new ways to annoy me every day.
The specific ways that my children are annoying include:
1. Only wanting to sleep in past 7am on a school day.
2. Only wanting to wake up at 6am on Sundays.
3. Putting their shoes NEXT to the shoe cupboard and not IN it.
4. Putting empty containers back in the fridge.
5. Only leaving a teeny scrap of toilet paper on the roll just so they don’t have to be the one to change it.
6. Constantly leaving the fridge door open.
7. Constantly leaving the back door open in the winter.
8. Always slamming every door inside the house.
9. Losing their homework diary every 2 weeks. Then finding it after I’ve paid for a new one.
10. Always being desperate for the toilet the second my cheeks hit the seat.
11. Eating 3 bags of oranges in a day, then not eating any for weeks when I buy more.
12. As above, but with bananas.
13. Moaning there are no bananas when I’ve given up buying them.
14. Bringing down cupboards full of plates when I’ve just turned on the dishwasher.
15. Shouting there are no spoons when they take them out the house and never bring them back.
16. Putting things on top of the bin lid rather than inside it.
17. Starting new bottles of milk when there’s one already opened.
18. Grating cheese along the length of the block instead of the width.
19. Getting salt everywhere.
20. Losing lids to all the pots for their lunchboxes.
22. Eating half a yoghurt or mousse and leaving the rest to seep into the cracks of their lunchboxes.
23. Saying they aren’t eating dinner because they’re on a diet, then eating 2 pot noodles, a giant bag of Walkers’ Sensations and a packet of biscuits.
24. Leaving their coats in their lockers at school over the weekend.
25. Losing 4 school jumpers, then bringing them all home at once.
26. Deciding their PE kit needs to come home one day just to forget to take it back the next.
27. Constantly fighting over nothing.
28. Only being best friends at bedtime.
29. Deciding they are playing an important game at bedtime.
30. Taking 45 years to calm down and get ready for bed.
31. Getting out of bed 4 times before remembering something important. (which isn’t important)
32. Deciding they will die of thirst within the next 14 seconds when they should already be asleep.
33. Changing their Christmas list at the last minute.
34. Putting dirty washing next to the washing basket instead of IN it.
35. Never ever plugging the hoover back in to charge.
36. Complaining that the Hoover has run out of battery.
37. Fighting over whose turn it is to sit in the front every time we need to get in the car.
38. Refusing to get in the car when it’s pissing down with rain.
39. Going out in the garden in the rain just in socks. Then walking sodding dirty wet sock water all over the floor.
40. Timing 39 with the half an hour after I’ve washed the floors.
Sorry, I’m still going..
41. Stuffing worn uniform in random places, leading me to having a nervous breakdown when there’s no uniform to wash or wear.
42. Stealing my phone charger.
43. Breaking my phone charger.
44. Denying they have my phone charger.
45. Denying they broke my charger.
46. Losing their keys.
47. Losing their bank cards.
48. Needing a lift when I’m in my pjs and settled for the night.
49. Only getting sick when I need them to be well.
50. Volunteering me for things and then not telling me.
51. Leaving home work or coursework to the last minute and then getting pissed off that I can’t drop everything to help.
52. Leaving ONE sock at a friend’s house but not telling me, so the divorced sock pile keeps increasing.
53. Using my brow pencil to sketch a picture for me.
54. Leaving piles of pencil sharpenings all over the table.
55. Losing water bottles. Constantly.
56. Interrupting me when I’m trying to remember something.
57. Sticking their freezing hands or toes in my warm bits.
58. Refusing to wear winter clothes in the winter and summer clothes in the summer.
59. Not playing with something for 3 years, then saying it’s their favourite toy the minute I bag it up for a charity shop donation.
But wait, there’s still more!
60. Getting lost in supermarkets.
62. Trying to out-sass each other.
63. Trying to out-sass me.
64. Saying something really funny when its completely inappropriate.
65. Handing me party invitations 5 weeks after the party.
66. Drinking a whole bottle of something except for the last sip so they don’t have to put the bottle in the bin.
67. Deciding to have a chat/row/rave outside my bedroom door at 1am.
68. Asking me if I’ve remembered something way after I should have remembered it.
69. Switching off my alarm before it’s woken me up.
70. Never feeding the cat when I want them to.
72. Only feeding the cat when it’s already been fed.
73. Not telling me we’re about to run out of something. (usually bin bags)
74. Then getting pissed off when we’ve run out and I had no idea.
75. Watching Morgz on YouTube.
76. Starting something but never finishing it.
77. Leaving toys all over the place, then getting angry when I trip over one of them.
78. Leaving things in their pockets when they do their own washing.
79. Blaming me when they have ruined whatever’s been left in their pockets.
80. Giving me 3 minutes notice that I need to do something for them.
81. Using my perfume as room spray.
82. Using my lipstick to make fake cuts on their bodies.
83. Losing every single hairbrush when we’re really late for school.
84. Shoving empty wrappers down the couch.
85. Kicking everything under the couch.
86. Moving all my cards from their designated places in my purse.
87. Changing my seat position in my car.
88. Leaving all their crap in the car.
89. Driving me to distraction, then giving me the biggest hug right before I lose my shit with them.
It’s their full time job
Driving me to distraction, I swear, is their full time job. It must be, because they find new ways to do it every single day. I don’t know if they sit in the room googling Why are children so annoying? And then use the various results as inspiration or whether they are just naturally excellent at driving me loopy.
I’m sure I’m not the only parent who mutters constantly why are children so annoying? Am I?
I’d love to know I’m not the only one, so leave me a comment with the things your children do that are so annoying.
Little parenting tip:
It’s ok to say your own children are annoying, but I wouldn’t recommend saying it about someone else’s child. You might find yourself without friends or even worse, without someone to swap play dates with.
And play date swapping friends are one of the best people to have in your life, because without them, parents all over the world would spontaneously combust in annoyance.